Today is Sunday and my heart is forcing me to remember the past. Those days, when my heart was still a child. Those times when everything was so simple. The days I spent in Sahibganj. The first feelings of attraction, which I mistook to be love; the true feelings of love- love from my beloved Papaji and from Ma; the feelings of that innocent laughter, those simple fights and that hug. Well, I believe my heart is making my mind return to that innocence.
But OK, I will control my heart a bit and let you know of one of the stories from those innocent times.Feelings are plenty but today I will post only about my first feelings of attraction for someone, maybe you can call it my first crush. I will only write a short story about the birth and growth of my innocence, not about its death.
Venue: Sahibganj, the place which gave birth to all my innocence and also led to its death.
Time: Many years ago
I think I was in Class 6 then and our school's inter house quiz competition was going on. I was one among the viewers. Totally oblivious of what was going on the stage I was chatting with one of my friends, and then I saw her. She was there answering questions to the quizzer, there on the stage, and I knew it was love- love at first sight ( kya karoon, used to watch a lot of movies at those times). I decided that day itself that I need to talk to her. Sources confirmed she was not in my section but in the same class as mine. I was that typical nerd afraid of talking to girls, and I spent a few nights thinking of how to approach her. Well, I finally got an idea. I decided I have to wait for 8-9 months before I talk to her. See, I had a lot of patience back then, which was a result of my innocence or better to say the aftereffect of my innocence. I know that she had participated in the quiz competition and she does that every year. I waited, trying to preserve her memories in my heart, and enjoying the feelings of that wait full of patience and hope. I wanted to oust her regular partner for the quiz and take his place.
And after about 7-8 months the day came. The selection day for the Inter House Quiz Competition. There she was waiting to get selected for the competition, amongst the best quizzers of our school. I was sure I would get selected and would oust her regular partner, and thus get the chance to partner her. I have already started dreaming of those days which we shall spend together preparing for the quiz competition.
The results of the selection were announced and I listened to the announcement with a stopped heart. "This year we have selected the students who'll represent the Campion House. The students are...", I almost closed my ears, "....Ashwin Srivastava..", I caroused in the sweetness of those words, "....and Shyamjee Ojha", the revelry lasted only a few seconds. Shyamjee was her regular partner.
She was ousted because of me.
Well I will keep you posted about more feelings and incidents from those innocent times, but later, because a phone call from my professor a few moments ago has suddenly brought me back to the "not so innocent world".