Saturday, November 1, 2008

Yaadon ka ik safar

yaad aati hain humein aapki har pal,
sangharsh karta hua chal raha hai ye jeevan.
aapki pyari so wo jhappi, aapka wo pyaara sa dulaar,
aapka wo hansta hua chehra, aapke office se aane ka wo intezaar.

yaad aati hain humein aapki har pal,
apne hi dil ki tadap se lad raha hai ye jeevan.
aapka mujhpe wo vishwas aur aapka mujhe pyaar karna har baar,
aapke saath movies dekhna aur jyada padhai karne par aapki wo maar.

yaad aati hain humein aapki har pal,
apne hi yaadon ke khauf se dar raha hai ye jeevan.
aapke saath mein baith ke ajeeb se un taaron ko dekhna,
aasmaan ke paar dikhne waale un nazaaron ko dekhna.

yaad aati hai humein aapki har pal,
man ke ufaanon ki maar se mar raha hai ye jeevan.
aapka wo sweets laana aur saath mein unhe chupke se khud bhi khana,
wo khoye waali kheer banana aur uski badai mein khud doob jaana.

yaad aati hai humein aapki har pal,
khud ke astitva ki safalta pe sawal kar raha hai ye jeevan.
mera wo aapke liye paani lana aur badle mein aapke haathon se koi tohfa paana,
aapke hanste hue chehre par mere liye un chintaaon ka aana.

yaad aati hain humein aapki har pal,
sach to ye hai, inhee meethi yaadon ke safar se tar raha hai ye jeevan.
aapke pyaar se jeevan ko jeetne ka tha sapna,
aur aapki aankhon mein us sapne ko sach karne ka wo sapna.

har pal yaad aati hai aapki, jeevan ki is dagar mein.
jeena padta hai humein ladkar, jeet kar aansuon ke is shahar mein.
pyaar jo aapse hain, wahi to jeevan hai mera.
pyaar jo aapka tha, usi wajah se to ab ye pal hai mera.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Its tough time now for our economy.

(P.S.: Well, i am back after a really long time, and that too with some serious issue. One more thing, I have not yet made my blog known to people around me for a reason. Soon, I'll bring the blog to the eyes of the close friend circle around me.)

The current economic conditions have seen a new low, with the inflation rate still in two digits and stock market crashing to all time lows. Sadly enough, the recent US crisis, or to be precise global crisis, adds to our woes. Reliance Infra, ICICI, Reliance Com have proved to be the major losers with around 20% fall seen on Saturday and despite RBI signaling presence of liquidity in the market, the market seems to have gone deep into the crisis. And interestingly and also ironically, articles like these are aiding the market slump by creating a panicky situation. Coming to the global market, predictions like GM, Crysler and Ford on the verge of bankruptcy and news of Meryll Lynch and Goldman Sachs going an all time low have acted as a catalyst to further decay the already decaying economy in India.

Sitting at one's room and reading about the news may sometimes not be able to give the true feel of the economic situation in India; but this time, sadly enough, does not come under those sometimes. So a guy like me, entirely oblivious of shares and stocks in conditions otherwise, is forced to a wisdom of thoughts resting in the penury of knowledge :(

But the whole aim of this post is to look at those rays of hope and success which always come with any situation of crisis. As they say, or may be I say, every failure gives you a chance to create success. Now is our chance to create the success which has eluded us (and I am being a bit patriotic here) due to the US market (don't worry, I am not a leftist). With certain hard policy decisions, which I really hope the government makes, India will be back into business and its uproar will be heard by the entire globe this time.

Another post with no head and tail but a reflection of my heart at this moment (seems like I have been reading a lot of ET lately, and well I'll be back to Filmfare soon enough :) )

Monday, July 14, 2008

An urdu poem about her...though there is no real 'her'

Unke jalwe humein ba-andaaz-e-digar dikhai diye,
unki adaaon se daad-e-hunar sunai diye...
unki baaton mein kuch aise sharaar dikhai diye
ki zarre zarre se moushiqui ke ghazal sunai diye...

unke chehre se us sayyaad ki jhalak aayi,
jiske shikaar hone ki sazaa har insaan ne paayi...
unke andaazon mein bhi aise deewanepan ki jhalak aayi,
ki paagalpan ne bhi khud ki meaar-e-nazar kamzor paayi...

thoda gussail rawayya unka, thodi naazuk hai adaaiein
sard mausam mein jaise surkh siraaz sharmaye...
thodi ziyaa bhi hai unmein, aisi ki unke raqeeb bhi darr jaayein
kya karein zaalim...ab to unke suroor ne bhi di hai sazaaein!!

(Meanings of a few urdu words above:
ba-andaaz-e-digar: in a different style
daad-e-hunar: praising one's abilities
moushiqui: music
sharaar: spark
sayyaad: hunter
meaar-e-nazar: scale of comparison
siraaz: can be used for 'sun'
ziyaa: brilliance)

Rest of the word meanings I hope should be clear.

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Return to Innocence-1

Today is Sunday and my heart is forcing me to remember the past. Those days, when my heart was still a child. Those times when everything was so simple. The days I spent in Sahibganj. The first feelings of attraction, which I mistook to be love; the true feelings of love- love from my beloved Papaji and from Ma; the feelings of that innocent laughter, those simple fights and that hug. Well, I believe my heart is making my mind return to that innocence.

But OK, I will control my heart a bit and let you know of one of the stories from those innocent times.Feelings are plenty but today I will post only about my first feelings of attraction for someone, maybe you can call it my first crush. I will only write a short story about the birth and growth of my innocence, not about its death.

Venue: Sahibganj, the place which gave birth to all my innocence and also led to its death.
Time: Many years ago

I think I was in Class 6 then and our school's inter house quiz competition was going on. I was one among the viewers. Totally oblivious of what was going on the stage I was chatting with one of my friends, and then I saw her. She was there answering questions to the quizzer, there on the stage, and I knew it was love- love at first sight ( kya karoon, used to watch a lot of movies at those times). I decided that day itself that I need to talk to her. Sources confirmed she was not in my section but in the same class as mine. I was that typical nerd afraid of talking to girls, and I spent a few nights thinking of how to approach her. Well, I finally got an idea. I decided I have to wait for 8-9 months before I talk to her. See, I had a lot of patience back then, which was a result of my innocence or better to say the aftereffect of my innocence. I know that she had participated in the quiz competition and she does that every year. I waited, trying to preserve her memories in my heart, and enjoying the feelings of that wait full of patience and hope. I wanted to oust her regular partner for the quiz and take his place.

And after about 7-8 months the day came. The selection day for the Inter House Quiz Competition. There she was waiting to get selected for the competition, amongst the best quizzers of our school. I was sure I would get selected and would oust her regular partner, and thus get the chance to partner her. I have already started dreaming of those days which we shall spend together preparing for the quiz competition.

The results of the selection were announced and I listened to the announcement with a stopped heart. "This year we have selected the students who'll represent the Campion House. The students are...", I almost closed my ears, "....Ashwin Srivastava..", I caroused in the sweetness of those words, "....and Shyamjee Ojha", the revelry lasted only a few seconds. Shyamjee was her regular partner.

She was ousted because of me.

Well I will keep you posted about more feelings and incidents from those innocent times, but later, because a phone call from my professor a few moments ago has suddenly brought me back to the "not so innocent world".

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Politics and IIT, hand in hand?? or........??

I think its my right and my duty to write on this topic. Being an IITian and having witnessed the politics surrounding this esteemed institute, I believe that despite trying to remain aloof from one of the most important decisions made in the recent times, we can't ignore the consequences which this decision may have on our future.

Politics is interesting. Politics has given my neighbor, the son of one of the most powerful persons of my city, an entry into IIT based on the grounds which clearly mention my neighbor as socially backward. I still wonder how can you call one of the most influential businessmen in the city ,adored and respected by all, as socially backward. Well the answer is politics.

Politics is more interesting. Politics has given my institute, already a widow, an opportunity to give birth to a daughter. The institute lacks in the number of good faculty and as if this was not enough, the intake of students has been increased. Students who have been crammed to live in a 10*10 ft area (okay this was a bit of exaggeration) will now have to live in even worse situations. IIT Kanpur, the widowed mother, conceived a new IIT Rajasthan which will remain in incubation period for a year or two. Politics can do anything.

Politics is even more interesting. Politics can lead people to death without even touching them. Politics can change the system without even the people sensing them. Politics can justify rape while making a rule of death sentence for rape. Politics can simply do anything, simply anything, as long as we remain what we are- gullible, ignorant, greedy, selfish and losers.

p.s. The last paragraph tries to touch different issues, all at the same time. Think over each sentence, over each word and you will find each sentence is a pun intended on what current politics related to IIT may do to these esteemed institutes.

Aftermath of a tragic discussion..

Recently I had a long discussion with a close friend of mine, who is obsessed with repugnance for all Hindu fundamentalist organizations. His obsession has reached to a level where he has started to believe that Muslims in this nation are unsafe. Such a belief has made him the scapegoat of his own feelings which are trying to feast on his gullibility. Now he believes he has converted himself into a Muslim.

Well its not about this friend I am going to talk about in this post; but its about all those gullible people who get affected by what they see first so fast that they are unable to see the other picture despite having eyes. Its quite natural that the movies my friend has watched in the recent past are Godhra Tak, Zakhm etc. I appreciate these movies but am unable to appreciate what my friend perceives from a few parts of these movies.

This post is not about the friend mentioned in the first para, but also about another friend of mine, who only watches movies and documentaries like The plight of Kashmiri Hindus, Islamic Terror etc. And he believes he needs to save Hinduism in order to help India remain a secular country. What an irony!

I would like to make it clear that none of these movies are biased towards any religion and all of them are pure in what they try to portray. Its what these friends of mine have perceived after watching these movies which concerns me, and should be the concern of the youth of today.

Secularism or fundamentalism? If given a choice to select between the two, both of my friends would select the former. I would, too. But despite this selection they forget the fact that secularism is trying to reach new meanings in the politics of today's world. This new meaning is what they are selecting and professing, and this new meaning is what is acting as the vote bank of politicians of today. Its similar to what once Asoka has believed- he needs to kill people and create one country under his own rule to ensure non violence in the future. Violence to ensure non violence? Fundamentalism as the road to secularism?

I think its the time to think.

p.s. I hope none of my friends feel anything bad about this post, and I request that even if you do, please DON'T start a war of words in the comments section.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Believe me, there was a God.

A few poems and useless articles. Now is the story time. Let me tell you a story- the story of a man who was beyond words. This story begins but doesn't end because people who are beyond words never end. Let us give some name to the protagonist. Lets call him Mr A, hope that's fine.

So the story of Mr A begins with a small town in the midst of hills on 3 sides and a beautiful river on the other side. Beautiful people with innocence and simplicity exist in the town- the town is in that stage from where you want to grow on to become a city but sadly enough opportunities and resources (i mean the lack of these) restrict you. Drizzling of noise in the daytime and the calmness of deserts at night make this town a place where peace is the most prized possession.

Okay, lets come back to the protagonist and his family- a small happy family of 4000- Mr A, his wife, one 15 year old son and a daughter. 1..2...3....4; who are the rest 3996? Well the answer is in front of my eyes. Let me explain.

Today is Monday and people from across the tribal areas surrounding the town are coming to the town- the locals call it the 'haat' day. Tribals of all shapes, sizes and ages selling things which will give them the weekly stock of food. There is a special crowd in front of a shop, people with strangely sick faces are queuing outside to get into the shop. What a shop is this? Seems like the owner must be a successful businessman. Mmmmmm....Wait for a second, oh this isn't a shop, its a clinic, a doctor's dispensary; and the doctor sitting inside is Mr A. Lets see whats going on inside. A man sitting in front of the doctor with a small boy tells A that his son is having fever from the past 10 days. Mr A inspects the patient and asks his name. The man replies Srivastava Yadav. Strange name, Mr A says. A surname is the first name, really strange. The man replies- he doesn't know whether the word ' Srivastava' is a surname because what matters to him is his belief that the word 'Srivastava' is the name of God himself and he has kept his son's name after a God. And then I have a look at the nameplate of Mr A's clinic and it says Dr A.K. Srivastava. I don't think I need to say a word more about who are the rest 3996.

Lets fast forward the story to 10 hours later. Mr A is returning from the day long tiring experience of treating patients and helping dying people live ,free of cost. He knocks at his house's door and here is his son standing in front of him with a glass of water in his hand- seems like a very disciplined child in awe of his father. Mr A smiles and gives a lovely hug to his son, lets name him B. Even before he is able to complete his glass of water, he hears voices- B has done that again, he is so indisciplined that he mouths foul words to even his mother, B is the worst son one can have, B has gone beyond the activities of humans and is no less than a shaitaan etc. etc. I think these are the voices of Mr A's wife and may be some relatives or neighbors; thats inconsequential. Whats consequential is that their words make you feel that B is a misanthrope who is on the verge of becoming a real devil if not controlled. Whats the real thing? How can we know? Mmmmmm..ok lets peep into the heart of B himself, lets see what his heart is made of- uhhh its so dark inside...well i can see hatred, i can also see anger, greed and many other vices but I can also see love- love which Mr A has for him, love which has the ability to overshadow every other vice, love which is so much that even if B has no real friend or anything else, this one day's love shall be enough stock to make him live successfully throughout his entire life.

At the start of this story I told our protagonist is beyond words, so how do you expect to write about how and what he is. I hope the day in the life of Mr A should have given you at least some idea of what Mr A is. Though this story won't ever end, lets try to give a stop to flow of words by letting you have a peep into the current day.

Current day, time 11 am. The same town , the same shop, oh i am sorry, the same clinic and the same 3996 people. There is no crowd outside the clinic today and the clinic no more looks like a clinic, its a shop now - a medical shop where you buy health depending on the prescriptions by the businessman in the dress of doctor inside. And the doctor cum businessman inside is not Mr A- its someone else.

The 3996 strong family of Mr A is there but no Mr A. He is not there even in the smell of the town, neither in the air or water of that place. He seems to not exist at all any where, not even in the hearts of the 3996 strong family. He's vanished totally from every aspect related to the town. A look at his house 2 kilometers away from this shop also shows no signs of Mr A. Where has he gone? How can a person regarded as God by the people of this peaceful, innocent and simple town simply vanish from a place which was his home? Where has he gone? A lot of search and effort finally finds him. He has decided to divide himself into 3 parts and he lives in those 3 places only- the hearts of his remaining few family members. He is nowhere else, and do you know the reason? The reason is this- Answer this question. Suppose you know and believe that God has created you and made you what you are till date. Thats why you pray to him everyday. Suddenly you come to know from confirmed sources that God no more plays a role in your life. Will you pray to him the other day? I know, you won't. And what shall happen a few weeks later, i think you will even forget that there was a God.

But believe me, there was a God.

Saturday, May 3, 2008

Top 10 movies of all time of all languages

I am an avid movie lover, I watch all kinds of movies and almost all of them . I've watched all the famous movies of the so called "parallel cinema" and enjoyed them, apart from enjoying the ultimate masala movies. Apart from Indian and American movies, I have also enjoyed Italian, Russian, French movies. But again, when it comes to choosing the top 10, I have let my heart speak for me, and strangely enough my heart chose mostly the commercial movies and not the parallel ones.

1. Taare Zameen par:(Hindi)
The beauty of moments, the unparalelled cinematography, the excellent depiction of subtleties and the unique ability to carry you into the protagonist's world with an ease makes this movie an ultimate masterpiece in Indian cinema. The commercial touch given to the movie may prevent a few movie lovers from counting it as a classic, but combining art with monetary attractions add to my respect for the makers.

2. The Shawshank Redemption.(English)
Hope, patience and victory: This movie made me the understand the true meaning of these words.

3. Schlindler's List:(English)
Perfect portrayal of atrocities during the holocaust combined with some excellent direction and supported by brilliant acting makes this movie special.

4. Life is Beautiful:(Italian)
Some movies make you smile with a sad heart and cry with a joyous feeling. This movie is precisely that. I laughed at the jokes initially in the movie but somewhere the whole feeling of sadness revolving the protagonist didn't leave me. And at the end your mind wants to feel happy but your heart stops you.

5. Anand:(Hindi)
Second movie of the kind I was talking of above.

6. Shakti:(Hindi)
Being a Hindi movie has its advantage. After all I am a Hindi. My heart loves this movie though direction, acting and other cinematic experiences are all good but nowhere in the league of greatness. Still here my part of the heart which is a huge Big B fan speaks.

7. Ek shikari Kutte ki kahani:(Russian)
This Russian movie popular in film festivals made me cry for the first time.

8. Psycho:(English)
This is because I love thrillers.

9. The Usual Suspects:(English)
Because of the style it has and the fact that you may guess the end but still love it.

10. 12 Angry Men:(English)
Another movie which motivates you beyond words.

Shayd ab is sardi mein

bahar ki shardi ki garam hawaon mein
aansuon ki ek jhalak paai thi...
waqt ke sawaalon ke tale
chipi hui ek khaai thi..
us khaai mein aansuon ka ek sailaab tha
usi ki jhalak to aai thi..
na jaane wo khai kis shaitaan kis insaan
ya kis bhagwan ne banai thi??

himalaya ke barf ko yahan ki garmi pighla de..
is sard mausam mein aisi hawaayein aayi thi...
aur phir
darrr kar, chip kar pata nahi kahan se
dil ki ye tamanna bahar aayi thi....
ye tamanna garam hawaon ke liye
barf ka ek safed tukda jo laayi thi..

bas phir kya tha
ab bahar ki sardi mein bhi
shard hawaon ki mehak aayi hai...
dooor kahin chahchahate panchiyon ki
khanak dee sunayi hai...
yehi chehchahahat
dil mein ek naya vichar lekar aayi hai...
shayad ab is sardi mein
vasant ritu ki jhalak aayi hai...

Dated 15th January 2008


log kahte hain jeene ke liye zaroori hai maut...
agar jeena hai to marna padega ,....
pal pal har pal jeewan se ladna padega..
woh ladai hi to maut hai...
inssaniyat ki maut, chahat ki maut,
maut ichchayon ki, apekshaon ki maut..

maut apne sapnon ki, adhoore khwabon ki maut...
Maut apne apnon ki, kachche dhaagon ki maut..
Maut apne dil ki, unchuye waadon ki maut..
Maut meri, mere har khayalon ki maut..

In mauton ne hi to jeena sikhaya,
aur maut ke dard ko peena sikhaya...

Jee raha hun main aaj kyunki sah chuka hun main maut..
Log kahte hain jeene ke liye zaroori hai maut.

Dated 24th April, 2007.

Kuch baatein

lyf mein kabhi kabhi..
kuch baatein yaad aati hain..
jo tumhe dhang se jeena sikha jaati hain

wo baatein....bhula dena chahta hun.....
par dar hain kahin in baaton ke bhoolne se
jeene ka wo maksad bhi na gum ho jaaye..
jo in baaton ki yaadon mein chupa dena chahta hun...

usi tanhayee ke sahare to jee raha hunn..
warna na yaadein rahti na dar
rah jaata to bas baaton ka ek khandahar..
yaadein darati hain....tadpati hain..
shayad usi tadap ki aag se tapa kar mujhe jeena bhi sikhati hain.

lyf mein kabhi kabhi
kuch baatein kabhi nahi bhooli jaati hain..

By Ashwin

I don't write poems, i write my heart out

I don't think I have the creativity to write poems. But still I do, because after writing every poem I feel lighter, easier and closer to my heart. Sometimes your mind is not able to feel the difference between two conflicting situations but your heart is able to. The only problem is how to listen what your heart says. With so much confusion and penury of peace around you, its always tough listening to your heart. That's where poems play a role. Write without thinking anything. Just keep on writing and you will find what your heart has said. Sometimes its in the form of poems, sometimes stories.

I have written many poems in the past few years, whenever I was sad, whenever I was confused.I will post these poems in my blog.